A modest proposal: Abortion properly instituted

An ACT:

PURPOSE: It has come to the attention of society that Abortion is a central issue that divides us politically, religiously, emotionally, and morally. As an answer to this dilemma, I propose a Ten-Year Waiting Period on all abortions. During this time we will attempt to teach the "Tissue". If the tissue is of proper quality, a trial will be conducted to determine if the Donor is willing to keep the tissue. If not, the tissue that has successfully completed the 10 year training period will be raised by the State for the purpose of education in the highest schools and guaranteed the best jobs.

Those tissues who complete the first 4 years of the governmental program will be granted a name by the state for the purpose of self identity. It will then be understood between the new "Child" (Former "tissue") that his life belongs to the state because the state has sparred him from the will of his mother. The Rules regarding the rearing or disposal of a tissue/child will be as such:

Sec. 1 -- All tissue who cannot walk by the age of two are drown by the tissue owner in a lake of suitable size and temperature. If the tissue owner shall not be found it shall be deemed an abandonment. In such event, a rock of suitable size and color shall be placed around the child's waist to take the place of the tissue donor.

Sec. 2-- All children who cannot read by the age of five are stoned by the extended family of the tissue owner.

Sec. 3 -- All children who cannot read Shakespeare in a proper old English accent by the age of Eight will be sent to the front lines of any major conflict.

Sec. 4 -- All children who are unable to speak a foreign language by the age of 10 will be sold for parts to needed transplant recipients, smokers, drinkers, workaholics and of course those on dialysis in need of kidneys. The revenue of which shall be used to facilitate the program. Livers shall be taxed at the highest rate.

A Federal Social Worker will determine all specifics of this proposal any disputes must be brought to arbitration under the guide of a district judge.

This program would have the effect of supplying our national defense and allow those unfortunates an opportunity to live off of the previously disregarded lives.

This ACT shall be in effect for 20 years at which time it shall be reviewed for any necessary changes. At such time, if a food shortage due to nuclear war, bird flu, or general malaze shall develop the authority is given to the arbitor to shorten the develpment time period to a 5-year "fattening up" period.


Proposed by;

Marcus Sarcastic (Rep. Allen) (Whig)
Carl Justjoshing (Rep. Blackacre) (Torrey)
Niel Madeitup (Rep. Fakeplace) (Reform)